How to Write Your Wedding Vows

Writing your own wedding vows can feel surprisingly hard.

Not because you don’t know the ways you love your partner but because suddenly you’re expected to turn years of shared life into a few minutes of words, spoken out loud, in front of people.

Good vows aren’t performance pieces and they don’t need to sound like anyone else’s.

The best vows feel honest and specific, like something only you could have written.

Here’s how to get there.

1. Start With What You Actually Want to Say (Not What You Think You’re Supposed to Say)

Forget what vows “should” sound like.

Start by asking yourself:

• What do I admire most about this person?
• What has changed in my life because of them?
• What do they do (quietly) that I’m grateful for?
• What does loving them actually look like day to day?

Write answers in plain language.

Messy sentences are fine.

Dot points are fine.

You can refine later.

Authenticity comes from clarity, not poetic words.

2. Use Specific Moments, Not Big Statements

Anyone can say: “You’re my best friend.” (Nothing wrong with saying that but you can always add on by being specific.)

Far fewer people can say:

“You always refill the car before it runs out, even when it’s not your turn to drive and somehow that’s one of the ways I know you’re taking care of me.”

or

“You remember birthdays, family obligations, and the things that matter to the people I love.”

Specificity is what makes vows land.

Think:

• shared habits
• private jokes
• difficult seasons you got through
• small, unnoticed acts of care

These moments make your vows feel real and recognisable.

3. Speak Like Yourself, Not Like a Character

If you don’t normally speak in metaphors, don’t start now.

If you’re not overly emotional, your vows don’t need to be.

It’s okay if your vows sound:

• thoughtful
• warm
• humorous
• quietly emotional

They don’t need to be dramatic to be meaningful.

Your partner will recognise your voice. That’s what matters.

4. Balance Reflection With Commitment

Good vows usually have three parts:

Reflection: what you value about your partner and your relationship

Acknowledgement — the reality (not just the highlight reel)

Commitment — what you’re choosing, moving forward

Promises don’t need to be grand.

They need to be believable.

“I promise to…” works best when it reflects how you already love.

For example:

“I promise to grow with you, not away from you, and to stay curious about who you’re becoming.”

or

“I promise to keep choosing you, even on the ordinary days when love looks like logistics and compromise.”

5. Keep Them Short Enough to Be Heard

Aim for 1 to 3 minutes when spoken out loud.

Anything longer:

• loses impact
• becomes hard to follow
• puts pressure on the other person to match length

If you have more to say, write a private letter for later.

Your vows should feel focused, not exhaustive.

6. Coordinate the Tone (Not the Content)

You don’t need matching vows —but it helps if they’re in the same emotional register.

Before writing, agree on:

• length
• seriousness vs humour
• whether you’re including promises
• whether personal anecdotes are okay

This helps avoid awkward contrasts, where one person delivers something deeply poetic and emotional while the other takes a very practical, matter-of-fact approach. That said, if this contrast genuinely reflects who you are as a couple and it’s something people recognise and love about you leaning into it can work beautifully.

It’s also worth being clear about personal stories. What feels like a sweet or funny anecdote to one person might feel too private to the other. A simple check-in beforehand ensures your vows feel honest and comfortable for both of you, without any unexpected moments on the day.

7. Prepare Your Vows in Advance

Writing your vows the night before is something some couples do and it can be stressful. Vows deserve time and not to be a last minute pressure.

Start early enough that you can write, step away, and come back with fresh eyes. This allows you to refine your words without overthinking them, and to remove anything that feels forced or performative.

Preparing in advance also gives you time to practise reading them out loud.

Reading aloud helps you:

• cut awkward phrasing
• find your natural rhythm
• soften overly formal language
• notice what sounds forced
• keep track of time

Most importantly, having your vows ready ahead of time lets you be present during the final week of your wedding, focused on the experience, not scrambling for words at the last minute.

8. Don’t Outsource Your Vows

It’s fine to feel stuck, but your vows aren’t something to delegate. When you rely on tools like ChatGPT to draft them for you, the result often sounds polished and hollow. AI smooths language. Vows need edges.

That said, using a tool to refine what you’ve already written, for example to tighten phrasing, clarify structure, or cut repetition, is different. The key distinction is this, the meaning, the specifics, and the voice must come from you first.

They don’t need to be clever, impressive, or perfectly phrased. They need to sound like something only you could have said, to the person you’re marrying.

If your partner could hear the same words from anyone else, they won’t land the way they should.

9. Practice Enough to Feel Steady

You don’t need to memorise your vows.

But you should be familiar enough that nerves don’t take over.

Practice until you can:

• look up occasionally
• pause when emotions rise
• speak clearly

Having them written down is completely fine.

10. Remember Who You’re Speaking To

At the end of the day, vows aren’t for the audience.

They’re for the person standing in front of you.

If they feel seen and chosen you’ve done it right.

Planning your wedding vows?

Let’s create a ceremony that feels honest, authentic, and meaningful to both of you.